That Old Feelin'

It started when I put my computer game habit to the side and picked up my pen & paper games again.  I'd never let go of PnP gaming, having maintained a place in Brodie's 3e/4e game as a player and 3e DM for the last 12 years, more or less.  But I noticed, frankly, that I wasn't being the kind of husband, father, and man I wanted to be while fully absorbed in computer games.  I started seeing clients whose marriages were falling apart due to computer and video games.  It was time to let it go.

But D&D is a different animal, to me anyway. It's a hobby, theater of the mind, a creative outlet, and a social occasion.  For me, computer games were a suppressant, a tranquilizer.  D&D expands my real life and engages both sides of my aging brain.

So the box(es) of D&D materials beckoned, and the writing started.  Once the writing (blogging, and campaign-building) began, a need for an audience formed with it.  I suspect this is a partial reason why people blog -- the dual need to "get it all down on paper" and express oneself combined with the very basic need to communicate on a brain-to-brain basis with those of a similar bent.

And then the old feeling came -- the need to DM again.  I suppose I knew it all along, but having written up Dunlyle, I needed to experience it, and not just to playtest it either.  I wasn't ready to just file it away or be content to occasionally pull it out and tweak it.  I needed to feel it and let it live.  Cue the Dr. Frankenstein analogies.

It will also give me a chance to playtest Joe Bloch's excellent Adventures Dark & Deep.

My Regular Game and the 4th Edition Rant

My longest-running regular game meets today.  Run by my friend (and best man) Brodie, it's a homebrew 4th edition campaign.  It's story-heavy, which is the only thing that's kept me in the game beyond friendship. The group itself is wonderful. Of the six players, two are women. Everyone is an adult in their 40s with jobs and their own personal living space. I enjoy their company and have socialized with all of them in non-gaming settings.

And yet I have to drag myself to this game -- my loathing for 4th edition is that strong.

The "I hate 4th edition" ship has sailed long ago.  Like many in my demographic, I tried to like it.  I bought the PHB and the Martial Powers warrior builder book.  I have suffered through two campaigns using this ridiculous rule system.  I have a mind to show up today with my Red Box (Erol Otus cover) Basic Set or Pathfinder and dare Brodie to switch rule systems.

My character -- a tiefling wizard I inherited -- has hit 11th level.  So now I must choose a "Paragon Path."  None of the paths in the PHB fit my concept.  My character is an egotistical bastard with an occasional nice streak.  I suppose I'll have to search on Brodie's WotC "insider" program to find an acceptable path from the various supplemental material out there.

The case against 4th edition:

• "Roles"
• "Encounters"
• Everything keyed to challenge ratings
• Near-impossibility of death
• Paragon Paths
• The entire "powers" concept -- I feel like a pro wrestler with my own finishing moves.
• The game serves the rules, rather than the reverse
• Tactical wargame feel
• Combat takes forever
• Binary Skill system does not allow for customization
• No saving throws -- DM rolls an attack roll.  "Save" to end an effect.
• No save or die
• wholesale changes to established settings to shoehorn Dragonborn and Tiefling into the mix
• abandonment of Greyhawk

The case for 4th edition:  Higher level play is slightly less bulky than 3.x.  Also, I like the way passive perception and insight are handled in-game.

Giving Meetup a Spin

I'll be giving Meetup a spin, using our local Fort Worth band of Gamers, The Order of the Funny-Shaped-Dice.  So far so good: I got a very quick response to my inquiry on a Pathfinder game.  It'll be good to get back in the saddle of actually playing regularly, whatever the edition.

I am hopeful.  The group seems to be mature, with real people with real jobs that take showers and whatnot.  So hope springs eternal.  I'm pretty sure that my closet gaming nature is partially informed by my fear of being thought to be an unwashed, unemployed, basement-living member of the gaming subculture.  Don't you just hate it when those little self-observations reveal your shallow-but-unfortunately-true ways of thinking?

Taking the Plunge

Yes, it's years too late, but I'm finally getting around to blogging.  I suppose a mission statement of sorts is in order for the occasion.

The purpose of the blog is twofold: to boldly muse on gaming-related matters, and to riff off-topic as the mood strikes.  I begin with the latter in the hope that it will lead inexorably to the former.

I have been a closet gamer for years, pretty much since high school in the early-mid 80's when I realized that openly gaming was surely going to destroy any chances I had for getting laid.  Whether that dire fear was true or not mattered little at the time; it was real enough to me.  Still, the need to game remained and prospered through my years of formal education and beyond.

As I matured, I found it necessary during my various relationships to, at some point, open up to my significant other about my "hobbies," which in retrospect were pretty tame (D&D and computer games, for the most part).  I remember each and every one of my "self-outings" and the fear that my newfound sweetie would leave me at the curb, pealing away in laughter, the sound of "LOSER!" ringing in my ears.  But of course it never happened that way.  Some of them thought it was quirky, but that was about it.  Still, the fear persisted.

Fast-forward to the present-day.  My lovely, mostly-accepting, bride informs me that my gaming is common knowledge within her family.  I sink lower into the seat cushions now at family gatherings.  The fear of my work colleagues learning of my hobby is crippling.

I know, I know, I should have some Geek Pride here.  I look forward to the day, not too long from now, where I age to the Point of No Longer Caring.  But I'm not there yet.